What can I expect in my first therapy session?

Are you thinking about trying therapy, but have no idea what it would be like? 

This blog tells you what it might be like to do therapy with me. See if it speaks to you. Please do get in touch if you have questions: hello@coachingwithdeb.co.uk. 

I work online. Everyone is welcome in the therapy I offer. Here are some examples of why you might try therapy: if you’re struggling with a long-standing issue, if you need support with a current problem, if you’d like to do some self-development work - or a mixture of all of the above. (I also work with trainee therapists doing their personal therapy hours for qualification/accreditation.)

In a nutshell, you can expect the following from your first therapy session

• A genuine warm welcome - I’ll be happy to see you!

• The beginnings of creating a space just for you - protected time with a qualified, registered professional, to explore your life - past, present and future - at your own pace, with you in control: a space to unfold and grow.  

Initial call 

Before your first therapy session, we'll have an informal 15-minute phone call. You can share as much or as little as feels comfortable about what's brought you to therapy. You're always in control of what you say - this is your time.

Contract for psychotherapy and counselling 

After our call, I'll send you a straightforward contract and a brief information form (covering basics like contact details and your GP). Please ask any questions before or during our first session.

Assessment 

If you’ve had some therapy before, or heard from others who have, you might expect the first full session to be one where you’re asked a lot of questions, some pre-determined, some arising from how you answer. There are therapists who will do this, as an assessment. It’s part of the approach to therapy that they’ve learned and that they practice. 

In our first session we’ll be taking it carefully and gently, talking about whatever you want to bring from your life. I don’t have any pre-determined questions. I don’t have a clipboard. I’m not going to write anything down. If I ask you a question, it will have arisen authentically from our conversation - and you can always say if you don’t want to respond. I don’t get upset by that. 

There are principled reasons why I’m not going to ask lots of questions, to do an assessment when we first meet. They are that I feel having a list of questions is 1/ intrusive and 2/ simplifying you as a fellow complex human being. 

It’s intrusive because presented with questions by a professional, you might answer them even if you don’t really want to. There could be power dynamics in play. You might then go away feeling uncomfortable, worrying that you’d shared something, or several things, you were not ready to share, something too private to tell a stranger you’ve only just met, even if that stranger is a therapist who works to the ethical codes of professional bodies for counselling and psychotherapy. There’s nothing therapeutic about leaving you with that feeling of worry, so I don’t do it. 

It simplifies you because even if you spent the whole first session telling me as much as you could about yourself, I’d still only know a tiny fraction of you, you’re a complex human being. I don’t need to know any more than you want to tell me the first time we see each other. And that extends to the rest of our sessions. There may be parts of your life that you share many months later. There may be parts of your life that you never share. You don’t have to say everything in order to find therapy helpful. 

This way of seeing assessments and beginning to work together is part of the approach to therapy that I’ve learned and that I practice. It is person-centred, an approach begun by Carl Rogers. This means that at the heart of our work together is our relationship, a relationship that offers you the space to say what you need to say, to be witnessed saying it - by me, and by you. The relationship moves you towards what you are seeking, even if you’re not sure what that is. And what you are seeking is likely to change as time passes. Seen like this, there’s no need to make an assessment and create a treatment plan. They medicalise and simplify. Our lives are rich and meaningful, and how we feel about aspects of our lives is fluid and shifting. Therapy is expansive.  

Therapy led by you, not directed by me

You can talk about whatever you wish. You might come in thinking that your focus is to feel less anxious at work. But then you might find that family issues come to the fore instead, or a difficult conversation you just had with your friend. We’re all more than the one issue that might prompt us to look for a therapist. Life happens all the time. 

You decide what you’re bringing to each session. Sometimes you might have decided what to bring before you come along. Other times, you might feel you don’t have anything in particular to say and you want to see what happens when the space is there for you. You’ll often be surprised by what emerges once you have begun. I won’t be interpreting what you say or setting you homework. I am here alongside you as you explore. 

Something to bear in mind is that if you’re leading, you may sometimes reach a full stop, where you’re not sure where to go next - or that might be your experience right at the beginning of a session, especially your first one. We’re all much more used to two-way conversation, where we’re listening and speaking, or perhaps doing more listening than speaking. A friend might interject when you stop speaking, to share some ideas of what they would do when faced with the challenge you’re describing. You may or may not find their advice helpful. Therapy isn’t advice. In the therapy room, when there’s a silence, you might wish I would step in and ask you some questions or tell you what I would do in your position. You might even ask for that. To agree means I’d be leading you in a direction that potentially might not be right for you. If a therapist agrees to ask questions, there will inevitably come a point where they can’t think of another one, or where the question asked feels wrong or intrusive to you and harms the relationship. If I do know something that might be helpful, I will offer it. If it’s not right for you, we will put it aside. I will also answer honestly if you ask my thoughts, bearing in mind though that this is your time for exploration. If I did tell you what to do, then I’ve become the expert on your life, and I can never be that because I am not you. I won’t tell you what to do.  

An invitation of therapy is to see silence as a space where something can emerge. We can also talk, if you like, about how it feels to have a space just for you. It’s a powerfully different experience and it does take time to adjust. 

Therapy as a safe space

Therapy can be wonderfully freeing, with things that have bothered you for years suddenly losing their grip, evaporating even, creating space for new ways of seeing and new adventures. 

You’ll often find therapists talking about therapy as a ‘safe space’. But starting therapy is actually a leap into the unknown, likewise every time you attend - you can’t fully know what will emerge and what that will be like. 

If I wonder if you are feeling overwhelmed by what you are sharing, the speed of it, its depth, I will check in with you. We’ll proceed at a pace that feels right for you. I offer you my care as you proceed through your therapy journey. 

Fees

I operate a sliding scale of fees for therapy. No free places are available. 

Dr Deborah Lee, psychotherapist and counsellor

Dr Deborah Lee, UKCP-registered psychotherapist, MBACP. Person-centred psychotherapist and counsellor. Welcoming cis-gender, heterosexual, LGBTQAI+, trans and non-binary clients. Working with awareness of relationship diversity. Seeking to offer a neuro-affirmative space. Always working on developing an intersectional lens. 

I hope this blog has given you an idea of what it might be like to start therapy with me. If you’d like to come and try it out, please email: hello@coachingwithdeb.co.uk and we can arrange a time to speak on the telephone for around 15 minutes. 

Book here

People come to therapy for all sorts of reasons. Here are some: Abuse, anxiety, alcohol, anger, bereavement, bullying, careers, depression, grief, loneliness, loss, personal development, trainee therapists, redundancy, relationships, sexuality, stress, trauma, work-related issues. Whether what you’re worrying about is on this list or not, you are welcome. 

Location isn’t an issue, as I work online.

I work with clients across the UK: Derby, London, Birmingham, Leeds, Glasgow, Manchester, Sheffield, Bradford, Edinburgh, Liverpool, Bristol, Cardiff, Leicester, Coventry, Wakefield, Belfast, Nottingham, Newcastle upon Tyne, Doncaster, Milton Keynes, Salford, Sunderland, Brighton and Hove, Wolverhampton, Kingston upon Hull, Plymouth, Stoke on Trent, Southampton, Swansea, Aberdeen, Peterborough, Portsmouth, York, Colchester, Chelmsford, Southend on Sea, Oxford, Newport, Canterbury, Preston, Dundee, Cambridge, St Albans, Lancaster, Norwich, Chester, Exeter, Wrexham, Gloucester, Winchester, Durham, Carlisle, Worcester, Lincoln, Bath, Derry, Dunfermline, Bangor, Inverness, Hereford, Lisburn, Stirling, Perth, Salisbury, Lichfield, Chichester, Newry, Truro, Ely, Ripon, Armagh, Bangor, Wells.